From the Joiceville Gazette

Opinion · Guest Column · Price: 25¢ or one (1) bottle return

I Was Asked to Leave Free Comic Book Day. I Still Don’t Know Why.

A free deck, a friendly table, and the one word you never say out loud

By Rod Pool

Once a year there’s a nationwide event called Free Comic Book Day, when comic book stores give away select issues for free. I had no idea this was a thing. I just happened to be walking by a comic book store when I saw the sign: FREE COMIC BOOK DAY.

So I went inside and looked around.

In the back there was a table with some people playing a card game. Naturally, I asked about it. They were playing Magic: The Gathering. I asked if I could see the cards, and one of them said, “Would you like to play?”

I said yeah!

They gave me a brand-new deck and sat me down at the table. The gentleman across from me opened it up and started explaining the game. I nodded along. I was in. I was about to become a guy who plays Magic.

Then, naively, I said, “Oh, it’s kinda like Pokémon.”

In my head the mechanics were the same. Cards. Creatures. The creatures fight. Pokémon.

The gentleman stopped explaining. Immediately. He gathered up every card, put them back in the deck, slid it across the table to me, and said, “You can keep this. But please leave.”

Awkward. I got up and left.

I never played the game again. The deck sits inside a drawer in my desk. Every so often I open that drawer looking for a pen, and there it is.

And I still wonder: what’s wrong with Pokémon cards?

A Note From the Editor

The Gazette contacted the gentleman for comment. He asked us to leave. So the editor will be clearing this up personally, for Mr. Pool’s sake and for any reader who nodded along.

Magic: The Gathering is nothing like Pokémon.

In Magic, you play lands to make mana, spend that mana on creatures and spells, and attack your opponent directly until their life total hits zero. In Pokémon, you attach Energy cards to your Pokémon, who attack your opponent’s Pokémon until you collect all your prize cards. Completely different games.

Granted, both decks are sixty cards. And both let you run four copies of a card, tops. And a land is basically an Energy card, in the sense that you play one a turn and it pays for your attacks. And the creatures do fight. And the company that makes Magic did also publish the Pokémon card game in America for a few years.

None of this is relevant.

As one eight-year-old reader put it: “I hate Pokémon card games, they are for nerds! I like Magic: The Gathering because it has more MATH!” The Gazette could not have said it better and has decided not to look into it any further.

Effective immediately, Mr. Pool is placed on editorial probation. He may keep writing for this paper on the condition that he learns his lesson, takes the deck out of the drawer, and plays one (1) full game without saying the P-word.

For the record, the editor will concede that the two games may be a little bit similar.

But not really.

— The Editor

CORRECTIONS: An earlier draft of this column described Magic: The Gathering as “kinda like Pokémon.” Several readers have written in. The Gazette regrets the error and will not be explaining it.

The Joiceville Gazette is a proud Blind Corp Community Partner. Guest columns do not reflect the views of Blind Corp, which has no views, holds no position on collectible cards, and is always listening.