Excuse Me!

Excuse Me

Genre: Horror Comedy
Setting: The fictional town of Joiceville, North Carolina

Summary:
Excuse Me is a darkly comedic, satirical play set in a rapidly unraveling world where a shady beverage called Hawk Juice—distributed by the nefarious Blind Corp—turns a quaint diner into ground zero for a zombie outbreak.

The story begins with Ms. Catherine Dee, the tough and pragmatic owner of the “Super Awesome Diner,” managing her quirky staff: Dylan (her sickly nephew), Waitresses #1 and #2 (sarcastic and sharp), and Jimmy the Cook (who moonlights as the local Ash Williams). When Jonathan J. Johnson, a hilariously awkward Blind Corp rep, arrives to push Hawk Juice as the new company-mandated product, suspicion brews alongside coffee.

As customers like a delusional man who insists on being called Batman fill the booths and more Hawk Juice is served, the dark truth begins to surface: Blind Corp has been experimenting on human subjects, and the side effects are catastrophic. Flashbacks reveal corporate malfeasance, failed military experiments, and scientific hubris, especially through the character of Dr. Susan Dee (Catherine’s estranged sister) and her doomed partnership with Kevin Malone, Dylan’s father.

Chaos erupts when Dylan, infected by the Hawk Juice experiments, turns into a zombie, triggering a diner siege. The ensemble fights off the undead in increasingly absurd and gory fashion, climaxing with sacrifices, explosions, and the breakdown of civility and corporate lies.

In Act II, the play dives deeper into the backstory—exploring government corruption, twisted corporate logic, and personal betrayals. Scenes include ridiculous board meetings, unhinged military briefings, and bizarre character confessions (like one soldier’s hilariously uncomfortable coming-out scene). The tone oscillates between farce and tragedy, making a sharp critique of capitalism, bureaucracy, and modern disinformation—served with a side of undead mayhem.

Act 3 opens with a military cleanup crew, Company Bravo, arriving at the chaotic, zombie-infested outskirts of the Super Awesome Diner. Led by Lieutenant Miller, the soldiers attempt to assess the situation, but their radio chatter with HQ devolves into confusion and absurdity—highlighting the incompetence and bureaucratic rot at Blind Corp. Despite HQ’s warnings, Miller denies seeing any zombies—until it’s revealed he’s literally standing in the middle of what HQ describes as a “zombie orgy”​.

Back inside the diner, tensions mount. Ms. Dee holds the fragile group together as Jonathan tries and fails to be useful, and Dr. Susan Dee peers out the boarded windows, observing the horde. In a moment of eerie self-awareness, she remarks that it’s like the zombies are the audience—and they are the performance​.

Soon, Private Moon, unhinged and vengeful, murders Private Shaw and turns on Susan. She drags Dr. Susan Dee outside and throws her to the zombies, effectively killing the only person who knew how to manufacture the cure. Chaos erupts. Private Moon is bitten and executed by Lieutenant Miller, who then tries to reestablish control​.

Then, in a brutal moment of catharsis, Jonathan loses his mind, screaming at Ms. Dee and Miller in an emotionally raw monologue—only to be immediately shot by Miller. Ms. Dee expresses immense relief, and they bond over their shared irritation with Jonathan. Meanwhile, Private Utah discovers the bomb meant to destroy the diner is now unusable—the activation screen is broken, and there’s no way to detonate it manually​.

The act ends in a mixture of biting dark comedy, collapse of structure, and emotional exhaustion. The audience, literally and figuratively, remains ever-present—zombified, passive, and hungry for more.